


Cold On The Inside

by incorrect19days



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: 19 days - Freeform, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Biting, Blood, But it doesn't really seem that way, COTI, He tian - Freeform, It's really not though, Jian Yi - Freeform, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, NSFW, Rough Sex, Tumblr, Zhan Zheng Xi - Freeform, cold on the inside, incorrect19days, it's completely consensual, old xian, one instance of under-preparation for a sex act, redhead19days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:16:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6822421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incorrect19days/pseuds/incorrect19days
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Look at me.’ </p><p>He Tian instructed softly. </p><p>He took a deep shuddering breath and opened his eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I suggest listening to Dog Teeth by Nicole Dollanganger while reading this.
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter has what can easily be mistaken for dubious consent. If that bothers you at all, please don't read this.

It wasn’t that they had a bad relationship.

He wasn’t sure they had a relationship at all.

For the first few days after they had sex for the first time, He Tian had been just a bit more physically affectionate than usual, but when he’d continued to rebuff him, He Tian had backed off. 

He was regretting that now. He’d been quite a bit nicer then. 

They did spend a lot more time together than they had before. 

He slept at He Tian’s relatively often. 

The main thing that changed…he’d never fucked so much, or imagined he would, in his life. 

If he wasn’t the one being fucked, he wouldn’t be able to keep up that kind of stamina day to day. 

He’d gotten pretty used to it this point, and he fucking loved it more and more each time. 

They both had their bad days, like anyone. 

He wanted a beer, a good fuck and to unwind with a movie.

He Tian’s bad day’s were a little…different. 

He Tian had taken to giving him a little bit of warning before hand, a text, a whisper in the hallway. He appreciated that time to prepare himself. 

Relatively often, especially on his bad days, He Tian had no interest in waiting until they got back to his place, and didn’t seem to give a fuck if they were caught. 

Normally He Tian would be nice enough to find something he could brace himself on. Normally.

This particular morning, before class even started, He Tian approached him. 

Without the usual unwarranted hug or stealthy grope, he whispered in his ear. 

‘I’m not in a very good mood today.’ Before turning to walk off.

They hadn’t even made eye contact. 

He took a few pain pills before going to class, and thank god. 

About an hour later, during break, He found He Tian leaning against the wall outside his classroom.

‘Lunch?’ He asked hopefully. 

He Tian smirked and led him down the hallway, looking around contemplatively as they walked. 

Eventually he stopped and veered off to the left. 

They ended up behind one of the mostly abandoned buildings. 

He looked around them. A few feet from the brick wall as a wrought iron fence, about six feet tall. 

Better than nothing. 

He looked at He Tian his steady, detached gaze told him they weren’t going to talk about this. 

He stretched his back and neck a bit as he approached the metal bars. 

He dropped his pants and steadied himself on the bars of the gate while He Tian slowly approached him. 

Deep breaths. Relax. Deep breaths. Relax. 

Nothing he could do about it now. 

He’d known what he was getting into from the beginning. 

He Tian reached him and ran his hand gently up his spine and around the side of his neck before shoving his fingers into his mouth. Even though he was ready for it, still gagged as as they touched the back of his throat.

Just like he had so many times before, he sucked and licked his fingers, grateful this was a day he cared enough to bother with this. 

Deep breath. Relax. 

He clenched his jaw as He Tian shoved two fingers in. 

He was past the point of whimpering or trying to elicit any sympathy, it a waste of time and energy. 

He Tian could maintain perfect silence when he needed to. 

But when he didn’t need to, things were a hell of a lot more fun. 

That dude had quite the mouth on him. 

That was one of the best parts about him, so his uncomfortable, albeit necessary, silence was disconcerting and annoying.

So he tightened his grip on the cold bars and dropped his head when He Tian inserted a third finger. 

This wasn’t a day that he was going to try to make this pleasant. 

There were actually some days when he honestly tried to make it unpleasant, today didn’t seem like it was going to be one of those days, necessarily, but he’d been wrong before. 

They had their games like this in the bedroom, but that was really different. 

The first time actually scared the shit out of him. He Tian had left him, kneeling in the snow, tears cold on his cheeks, blood cold between his legs. 

He Tian had apologized for it later on, but his smirk cast his sincerity into doubt.

He’d known He Tian to be a fucking asshole. 

To mentally and physically fuck people up, but he could be so much worse than that.

One day he’d told him to pick a safe word, and he’d laughed him off.

When after He Tian pressed the topic, he’d chosen banana.

He Tian asked if he’d be ok with screaming ‘banana’ and he’d changed his mind. 

Apparently ‘no’ and ‘stop’ and ‘get the fuck off me’ weren’t options.

So he chose ‘lemons.’

A more dignified fruit. 

And he prided himself on never saying it.  
Even when things got weird. And things got super fucking weird.

It wasn’t until He Tian had his first ‘bad day,’ did he understand the importance of it.

You know the concept of people being good deep down, once you got past the bad parts?

That was a mixed blessing with He Tian. 

He could be really sweet. 

Kissing and cuddling at night, all that cheesy stuff. 

But there was part of He Tian that was genuinely, terrifyingly, cruel.

And some part of him he hadn’t been aware of, loved it. 

And thank god. 

 

He Tian removed his fingers and unbuckled his pants and unzipped slowly.

The distinct sound of a belt being removed met his ears. Fuck.

Fuck.

He Tian reached around and held it to the redhaired boy’s lips. 

He closed his eyes as he opened his mouth and bit down on the worn leather.

He Tian loved that when looked at it up close, you could see the marks where he’d bitten into it. 

It wasn’t a good sign when He Tian decided he needed it, because he needed it more often than he’d admit, more often that he got it.

He had no warning before He Tian shoved into him. 

Nothing was more physically confusing than wanting to pull away from the blinding pain and desperately wanting more. 

He Tian knew that, even when he screamed and cried, if he didn’t want it, he had a way to get out of it. 

Sometimes it was just a matter of pride and stubbornness that kept him from using it though. 

Sometimes He Tian went too far. 

Once, and only once, he’d needed stitches on his shoulder. Only a few, so it hadn’t been too bad. 

Unsurprisingly, He Tian had the ability and materials to take care of that himself.

He’d been more careful since then, but that wasn’t to say he didn’t end up pretty bloody from time to time. New and fading scars from teeth and fingernails. 

That had taken some getting used to. 

But, on a few occasions, he’d had the opportunity to get him back, and it had been worth whatever painful, retribution he’d faced. 

So he tightened his grip on the rusting iron and bit down on the leather as hard as he could, using every ounce of concentration taking deep breaths and trying to stay quiet. 

That was part of the game. He Tian loved hearing him, especially on days like this. 

His only counter move was to stay as quiet as possible. 

That went in a circle though. 

The quieter he was, the harder He Tian tried break that. 

He Tian always won. 

Fingernails bit into his hip, as He Tian grabbed a handful of hair and yanked his head back, leaning forward to scrape his teeth over the soft skin of his neck, laughing as he tensed up. 

He Tian released his hair. 

He let his head fall, wincing at the sting of blood rushing back into his scalp. 

A hand joined his on the rough iron bars.

A sudden change in positioning broke his vow of silence and he spit out the belt. 

As soon as it hit the ground, He Tian clamped a hand over his mouth, moving faster. 

Once he’d managed to adjust just enough to quiet himself, He Tian pushed his fingers between his lips. 

Would it be worth it?

Probably not. 

He bit down on He Tian’s fingers. 

They both froze as the fingers were retracted from his mouth. 

Shit.

He Tian pulled out and spun him around by the shoulders, lifting one of his legs and entering him again. 

The redheaded boy dropped his hands to the other boy’s shoulders, wrapped the leg around his waist, pulling him closer. 

He Tian kept one hand on the cold metal bar, using his, now bloody hand to hold him up.

He kept up a steady pace of brutal thrusts as he lifted his thigh to prop them up and used his free hand to grab him roughly and work his hand to match his thrusts.

The red haired boy let his head drop forward and rest his forehead against He Tian’s. 

If he’d been in any state of mind at all, he’d have realized how that intimate act might not have been his best choice. 

A few moments later, he came with a sob, and felt He Tian follow right behind him.

‘Look at me.’ 

He Tian instructed softly. 

He took a deep shuddering breath and opened his eyes. 

He Tian’s expression was unreadable , and he was waiting for him to say something about how badly he’d fucked up. 

But, instead, he stroked the red haired boy’s cheek gently with his bloody fingers.

‘I’m in love with you.'


	2. Chapter 2

What. 

What? 

He was frozen. He didn’t even breathe.  
After about 10 uncomfortable seconds, He Tian looked away. 

Using his thigh as leverage he pulled out and made sure they were both steady on their feet before turning away to grab and wipe himself off with the spare shirt in his bag and tossing it over, barely glancing in that direction before leaning down to pick up his belt, situating himself as he walked off. 

He didn’t look back. 

Finding a clean spot on the soiled shirt, he cleaned himself up and fixed his pants with shaking hands. 

What? 

He Tian had just said he was in love with him. 

He Tian. 

In love with him. 

That sounded…like a thing…that was not true, probably? 

He remembered their first kiss. 

One of those kisses that surprised the hell out of the part of him that pretended he didn’t know it was going to happen. 

They’d been drinking, which was pretty much all they had in common at first.

They’d sat down by the river and He’d told He Tian all about his bitch of an ex girlfriend. 

He Tian had said something stupid and they’d both collapsed into drunken fits of giggles. 

He hadn’t laughed like that in a while, and something told him He Tian hadn’t either. 

He Tian had gently taken the beer from his hand and straddled his lap, pushing him back into the dirt…and looked up to see headlights approaching.

Shit. 

Technically, they weren’t legally allowed to be there. 

He Tian had jumped to his feet, pulling the red haired boy behind him. 

A few blocks later they stopped under an overpass and ducked out of sight.

Once they’d eventually stopped laughing long enough to catch a breath, He Tian’s smile had faded as he closed the distance between them and finished what he’d started. 

He’d frozen up then, but it hasn’t lasted quite as long. 

It’d been so overwhelming, the way he smelled, the way he tasted, the way he could feel his heartbeat where they were pressed together. 

It had taken a minute to react a little bit less like a fish and a little bit more like person, but, impressively, he’d managed it. 

The dark haired boy had dropped his head to kiss his neck softly, pulling him closer with a hand on his lower back…. and his fucking phone rang. 

He Tian pulled away abruptly, his jaw clenched and he closed his eyes for a moment. ‘I’m so sorry, I have to go.’  
And the red haired boy watched him leave. 

They didn’t speak for a few days while they both waited for the other to text first.

He never had gotten an explanation for that. 

He remembered the first time they had sex. 

That had been less of a surprise. 

That night was one of those the He Tian would have likely redacted from his biography. 

He’d been sweet, and gentle. 

The other boy had made sure to make him comfortable. 

He’d kissed him and whispered encouragement in his ear as he’d slowly gotten him ready. 

They’d made love on He Tian’s silk sheets and fallen asleep in each other’s arms. 

They did still have nights like that from time to time. 

Things with He Tian were unpredictable and ever changing, but he loved it. 

He loved that it was never boring. 

He loved that so many of his firsts had been with someone who cared, even if sometimes the way they cared was kind of terrifying. 

He loved that his first text in the morning and last at night were always funny, or sweet, or horrifying, or stupid, but always from the same person. 

He loved that feeling in his chest when his number popped up. 

He loved how his heart raced at the anticipation of seeing him. 

He loved the way his skin burned where they touched. 

He loved the little circles He Tian would trace absentmindedly on his arm while they sat together. 

He loved that He Tian wouldn’t be pushed away, wouldn’t stop trying, even when he’d made it so difficult. 

He loved that, despite the exchange -or lack thereof- they’d had, He Tian had still given him the shirt to wipe himself off. 

He loved that he’d chosen that moment to say it. 

He could still see the sincerity on his face, the warmth in his eyes.

He could see the sting of perceived rejection. 

He Tian could be a cold hearted psychopath, but he certainly wasn’t a liar.

He loved He Tian.

Of course he did. 

He had for nearly a year, despite all the crazy shit they did, despite every time they’d ever hurt each other, physically or otherwise, he loved him.

And he’d just let him walk away. 

What a fucking idiot. He fumbled through his pockets and pulled out his phone, unlocked it and pressed the first name in his recent calls. 

He leaned against the fence and closed his eyes as it rang, mentally begging him to pick up. 

He didn’t. 

Fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

So he added this to the list of the things he’d done to sabotage himself.

He Tian wasn’t answering his phone and hadn’t responded to his, very well thought, out text.

‘Dude, c’mon…’

If that wouldn’t get him, nothing would. 

That…was as far as he’d ever had to go to get He Tian to listen, so he was at a loss.

Let’s just say this wasn’t his strong suit. 

He should probably just wait for him after school like he usually did…

But that’s not what He Tian would do. 

He Tian had pissed him off once. Like, really pissed him off. 

He’d made some stupid generic joke about his family, obviously not thinking about it.

Right as it left his mouth he realized he’d fucked up and immediately started apologizing, approaching him.

The red haired boy had shoved him away and stormed out of He Tian’s apartment.

He knew it was been a mistake.

He Tian would never intentionally hurt him like that, and he knew he was being silly, but he ignored his calls and texts for days. 

Eventually He Tian cornered him at the park where he’d been playing fetch with his dog. 

She had immediately gone to him.  
Traitor. 

He Tian handed him tickets to the early release of a movie he’d been dying to see.

He’d forgiven him. 

It wasn’t about the tickets. 

It was the fact that he’d been paying attention. 

He’d only brought that movie up once, and that had been months ago. 

He’d actually been listening. 

Listening to someone who didn’t talk much and actively avoided talking about his life, and gone, God knows how far, out of his way to get those tickets. 

That’s the day he realized he was in love with him. 

That’s what He Tian had done for a simple, silly, accidental mistake.

How was he supposed to apologize for this? 

This wasn’t exactly a small offense. 

Time to get serious. 

He skipped the rest of his classes. 

He gave He Tian a night to, hopefully, cool off. 

He managed to find, and bribe, (with all the fucking money in his wallet) the kid that did the announcements to announce that He Tian was needed in the office. 

He stationed himself strategically.

He grabbed He Tian’s arm as he passed and pulled him into an empty hallway. 

‘Please, please, hear me out.’

He Tian wouldn’t make eye contact with him as he tried to pull away. 

‘He Tian, please.’ 

‘No. It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said it, I didn’t mean it.’

Oh. 

What are you supposed to say to that?  
‘He Tian…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I…I love you.’

He held his breath, waiting for He Tian to look at him. 

But when he did, he wished he hadn’t. 

‘You love me?’ 

He asked, face impassive

‘Yes.’ 

He’d gained confidence in this fact in the last 24 hours.

He did. 

He loved him. 

He studied He Tian’s face, waiting for his expression to soften, waiting for him to kiss him, waiting for…anything. 

He reached out slowly, he didn’t care.  
He didn’t care who noticed, he didn’t care what they thought. 

He was ready for this. 

He took a step forward, to hug him, to kiss him, to do whatever it took.

He Tian took a step back, knocking his hand away. 

‘I don’t care.’

He turned around and walked off.

Oh.


	4. Chapter 4

He Tian wasn’t one for grand romantic gestures. 

Apologizing was easy.

He fucked up often enough that he was pretty much in the constant state of ready-to-apologize. 

He didn’t know what had possessed him to do that.

He didn’t exactly go around confessing his love to people. 

This was the first time.

He’d just lost his ‘I love you’ virginity.

It hadn’t gone well.

He hadn’t meant to say that. 

He hadn’t gone into that interaction expecting to embarrass himself.

That hadn’t been his plan. 

He’d surprised himself.

That wasn’t an easy thing to do. 

He Tian liked to be in control. 

Not in a sexual way, not necessarily, just…in control. 

Of himself, of his actions, of his REACTIONS. 

That had worked very fucking well, until this fucking dude showed up. 

He didn’t ‘like’ people. He didn’t develop ‘crushes.’ 

He refused to let himself be at the mercy of another person, and that’s how he’d always viewed relationships.

But this kid…

He tried. He tried to stay himself, to not let anyone get to him.

And yet, here he was.

It was nothing at first, when they met they were hardly friends. 

He Tian had though he was cute, he’d enjoyed making him squirm. 

Time passed, they spent more time together.

Once he got the stick out of his ass, which always took the first half hour of their time together, he was actually pretty fun to be around.

He was smart, funny, sarcastic, and when he smiled you could always tell he meant it, because it didn’t happen all that often.

Before he kissed him for the first time, he hadn’t really realized it’d been coming.

He hadn’t realized he’d had the knot in  
his chest until they’d sat and talked about his break up and he felt it loosen.

As much as he fucked around, he hadn’t let himself think much of what would come of it.

They’d talked about his girlfriend before. 

That feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one he actively ignored, had begun to feel a little bit like…jealousy.

That was new.

So they’d sat and joked about it for awhile.

He Tian had said something stupid, he couldn’t remember what now, but when the red haired boy laughed he’d realized he’d never seen that before.

He’d never seen the way he closed his eyes when he laughed.

The way he dropped his head and wrapped his arm around himself to fail to contain his laughter. 

Their first kiss had been sloppy, hurried.  
They’d had to run from park security and ended up under the highway. 

He tian hadn’t had a lot of memorable first kisses wth the people he’d been with.  
There’d never been much kissing at all.  
That wasn’t the point.

So, when they’d kissed, his heart had raced in his chest, he’d desperately tried to keep himself calm to let this, for once, just be a kiss. 

His phone had gone off.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. 

He didn’t need to look at it to know what it said.

He spent three days writing and deleting dozens of texts, sending none of them. 

The first time they’d fucked, it wasn’t really, or wasn’t at all, his normal style. 

Maybe he’d just wanted him to stick around. 

Maybe he just hadn’t wanted to scare him off. 

It had taken everything in him to be gentle, to be sweet, to help him through it. 

He’d never admit that he meant his kind words, that this moment had been just as, if not more, important to him.

Things hadn’t quite stayed that way. 

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, he’d moved them in his direction, dreading the reaction each time.

Months passed, things progressed. 

The other boy had taken it all in stride.

He Tian pushed it, and got nothing but positive reactions, so he kept pushing.

He figured each time he hurt him, in any number of ways, was going to be the last straw. 

Part of him needed to prove that, needed to see it happen.

Part of him wanted to know how much he could take. 

He wasn’t sure why.

He knew it was awful.

Most people would have tapped out at this point.

But he didn’t.

Somehow.

He liked to talk about his day as much as the next person, but sometimes it was easier to just fuck it out.

He wasn’t always very kind and gentle. That was putting it very lightly. 

He was often cruel and violent, even if that wasn’t necessarily his goal.

He never had learned to express anger well, believe it or not. 

One day he’d bombed a math test, a very important math test.

A very important math test he hadn’t studied for.

He Tian knew he scared him sometimes, and was often torn about his feelings about that.

That was the epitome of control wasn’t it?  
So for the, God know how many times, they found themselves in a relatively secluded place. 

The red haired boy had handled everything he’d thrown at him so far, and I that had been quite a fucking lot. 

So, on that bad day, while he’d mindlessly done just what he often mindlessly did, he apparently struck a nerve.

He hadn’t objected to much so far. 

He hadn’t used his safe word.

So when the boy’s teeth broke his skin while biting down on his fingers, that was the first surprise of the evening.

The red haired boy, blood dripping down his chin, gripped the back of his neck and pressed their foreheads together as he came.

His reaction to their current situation had been an intimate embrace.

He barely caught up with his thoughts in time to tell the other boy he was in love with him. 

He counted the seconds. 

Eleven.

Eleven seconds of stunned silence, before awkwardly removing himself from the boy, from the situation.

Twenty four seconds, he cleaned himself off.

Thirty four seconds, he tossed the shirt over, more an act of habit than kindness.

Fifty three seconds, he grabbed his belt from the ground.

Sixty four seconds, he fastened his pants and walked away.

He didn’t look back.

Seventy four seconds, he turned off his phone off as an alternative to smashing it into the concrete. 

God damn it.


	5. Chapter 5

Ok.

Alright 

ALRIGHT.

SHIT. 

he wanted to fix this, but had, basically, negative four options.

And only one person he could think to talk to.

And that was a terrible idea.

ALRIGHT.

FINE.

SHIT. 

So he waited outside after school. 

'Zhan Zhengxi, can we talk?’

‘…no?’

‘Please.’

That shocked them both into silence for a moment.

‘Jian Yi, I’ll meet you outside.’

The boy looked absolutely flabbergasted as he walked off.

They found a bench.

‘What could you possibly to say to me?’

Shit.

Alright.

‘Are you and Jian Yi a couple?’ 

He didn’t even know while he’d asked.

‘That isn’t even remotely your business.’

‘Have you ever fucked up? Like…really fucked up and hurt him?’

‘Is this about He Tian?’

He hesitated.

‘Yeah.’ 

‘What’d you do?’

‘He said he loved me.’

‘Shit…’

‘Yeah.’

‘What’d you do?’

‘Stared at him like a stupid fucking goldfish.’

‘Ah.’

‘Yeah.’ 

‘Well do you? Love him?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well I’d ask why you were such a dumbass, but I’ve been there before.’ 

‘What’d you do?’

‘Apologized, gave him some time to hate me, and said it back.’

‘I tried that.’

‘And?’

‘He basically told me to fuck off.’

‘Oh. Yeah I guess he and Jian Yi aren’t very similar creatures.’

They both laughed for a second.

This was kind of nice. 

Not like he’d ever admit it.

‘While I’m not exceptionally eager to help you, I think I have an idea.’

‘…’

‘Just…trust me.’

The red haired boy look at him skeptically, but nodded.

‘Why would you help me?’

‘Isn’t that why you came to me?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well I guess Jian Yi is rubbing off on me.’  
‘Are you going to tell anyone?’

‘Just Jian Yi. He has to know for this.’ 

He nodded slowly.

‘Are you?’ Zhan Zhengxi asked. 

‘No.’ 

‘Alright, give me a day, I’ll get back to you.’

‘Thank you.’ 

‘You owe me one.’

He nodded as Zhan Zhengxi walked off.

Alright. 

Shit.

Fine.


	6. Chapter 6

He Tian was determined not to let this get to him.

He'd fine before all this and he was fine now.

Shit, he couldn’t even lie to himself.

He wasn’t fucking fine at all. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Not to him.

This was supposed to be a friends with benefits type thing.

Normally he wouldn’t even go for the friends part. 

And yet…here the fuck he was. He’d known better.

This was entirely his fault. 

After school, two days later, he was lying on the grass in the park, eyes closed.

Jian Yi had asked if they could meet up.

He couldn’t possibly think He Tian was the one that actually did the homework he could copy.

A few minutes later he heard footsteps and felt the grass shift as Jian Yi sat down beside him. 

He opened his eyes and sat up.

‘So, I heard you’re being a fucking idiot.’

'What do you mean?’

'Can we skip this part?’

Well how’d you find out about that, exactly?’

'I didn’t, Zhengxi did.’

'That’s so much fucking weirder.’

Yeah well…’ 

'Did you just come here to be a dick?’

'Kinda’

'Well…I don’t know what to say to that.’

So are you just done with him now? Are you going sit there and tell me you haven’t fucked this up a couple times.’

'Obviously I have.’

'Worse than this?’

Differently.’

'Right.’ 

'He loves you, he told you AND Zhengxi that’

''So they sent you here to do this?’ 

'Nah, just Zhengxi. And he sent me with a much more tactful plan that never would have worked.’

But this is working so well.’ 

Jian Yi shrugged.

Look, this is none of your fucking business.’

'It’s really not.’ 

'I fucked up, I never should have started all this in the first place. I regret it.’

Bullshit.’

'Fuck you.’

'Yeah, fuck you too.’ 

'Are we done here?’

'Yeah, He Tian, were done. Get your shit together.’

He Tian pulled his phone from his pocket and watched it the little blinking cursor for awhile.

Either way was a mistake. 

Get your shit together.

'Come over.’

Seen at 4:47.

'Ok.’

He made it to his apartment about five minutes before the other boy knocked on his door.

He felt suddenly…nervous?

That’s stupid. 

The look on the red haired boy’s face was difficult to read…guilty?

That was also stupid. 

He Tian gestured for him to come in and they awkwardly stood next the door for a few moments.

He had so much to say. 

They had so much to talk about…  
Fuck it.

He closed the distance between them. 

Gently reaching out to place a hand on his lower back, the other he ran through the boy’s hair, before resting on the back of his neck, he pressed their foreheads together.

'What are you doing?’ He whispered.

‘Getting my shit together.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fin.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!!!


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